


What Makes a Friendship

by FrankTheSnek



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Aliens Made Them Do It, Anal Sex, First Time, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Struggling with Emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-16 09:39:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18688897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrankTheSnek/pseuds/FrankTheSnek
Summary: He couldn’t stop thinking about it. What would it be like to sleep with John Sheppard? The warmth of his charming smile already made annoying butterflies buzz in his stomach. Rodney couldn’t even imagine what would happen to him if they actually slept together. He would never be able to look at the other man the same way. Would never be able to be just friends with him again.Was risking their friendship worth a ZPM? Were his own feelings worth walking away from a ZPM?





	What Makes a Friendship

**Author's Note:**

> Did not intend for this to be as long as it is but oh well! I am personally very happy with it. I wanted to play with emotions a little so this is what happened. Hope you enjoy it!

Trading missions were so utterly boring. Rodney hated them. He tapped at his scanner again hoping that some interesting readings would magically appear but no still nothing. So he followed the rest of the team down the market street as Teyla negotiated a trade. These people had some kind of highly coveted textile product. It had no real value to Atlantis but Teyla said it would be of interest to one of their other trade partners. So the plan was trade away a minimal amount of medicine and Athosian tea for the fabric which they could then trade for food and other things they needed.

The whole thing just gave Rodney a head ache. He had never realized how tedious and monotonous trade was before real currency was established. “Could this take any longer?” he gripped to Sheppard who was walking next to him. 

“Hush McKay. Tedious as this is, its going well. Don’t ruin it by offending them,” John replied nudging Rodney harmlessly with the butt of his P-90. 

Rodney just glowered at him. “Why do you always assume I will offend the locals?” he asked crossing his arms. Then his own track record flashed through his mind. “Never mind don’t answer that.”

John smirked at him from behind his aviators. There was a moment of silence between them then, “Because you always do.” John said and Rodney growled at him. The soldier quickened his step to fall in closer the Ronon who was just behind Teyla the village leader. 

McKay huffed and watched John walk. At least he could appreciate the muscle of the colonel’s ass in his BDUs. That was always a positive about any mission. There were a lot of things he appreciated about his best friend. Rodney drew himself away from that line of thought by looking at his tablet again. “Huh,” he huffed and adjusted the settings. There was a very faint reading. It was coming from the large building they were currently heading toward and got stronger the closer they got. 

It had Rodney intrigued because it looked like a ZPM but was so faint it was hard to tell for sure. “Are we heading there?” he asked catching up to Sheppard.

“Yeah, if you had been paying attention you would know that is their temple and town hall.” John said smugly. “Why the sudden interest?” McKay showed him the tablet and John’s eyebrows rose over the edge of his sunglasses. “Is that what I think it is?”

“Hard to say with how faint the reading is,” Rodney said as they started up the stairs to the temple. It was a large ornate building made from a light pink stone with silver veining similar to marble. “We’ll have to look around once we get inside and see if…” Rodney trailed off as they entered the temple, because no they wouldn’t have to do any looking around.

There in the center of the main room was a ZPM. It was clearly the center piece of a shrine, surrounded by candles and little dried flowers. Rodney made a beeline for it but was stopped by two guards standing on either side of it. “I need to examine it,” he protested looking past them to the ZPM. It looked to be in perfect condition. The guards didn’t move and he huffed and whined looking over to Teyla and the village leader. John came to stand next to him ready to support his claims of needing to examine it.

“Why do you need to look at our sacred stone?” the leader asked. Her name was Guinevere and she was a petit yet curvy woman in her mid forty’s with the slightest touch of grey to her hair. Her face was cutely heart shaped and her eyes were large and rich brown. 

Rodney opened his mouth to go off on his ‘your stupid its not a sacred stone rant’ when John elbowed him sharply. Gritting his teeth Rodney counted to ten and tried again. “We call them ZedPMs and they are very important to our people. In fact we have been looking for one for a very long time.” The leader nodded at his words and Rodney continued. “I need to examine I to see if it could be useful to us.” She looked speculative at this but waved a hand shoeing the guards away. 

“Very well, but you must be gentle with it and you cannot remove it from the shrine.” She moved closer obviously not prepared to leave him alone with out supervision.

“Thanks,” Rodney muttered and pulled a cable from his pack. He very gently placed the ZPM on its side and hooked the cord into the interface on the flat bottom of it. The screen of his tablet lit up with readings instantly. “Whoa.” He gasped and smiled widely.

“What?” John asked moving closer to look over his shoulder. He was well with in the other man’s bubble but Rodney didn’t care.

“It’s not just active, it’s completely charged. I don’t think its ever been used,” Rodney said voice a touch squeaky with excitement.

“Why didn’t your scans pick up on it when we first got here?” Sheppard asked still standing right behind the other man.

“Well its not active there was nothing to pick up on. I think the only reason I got what little reading I did was because of how charged it is. We have to have this. We…”He cut himself off when he looked up and saw Guinevere eyeing him. “This stone is very important to us. It would be very, very useful for our people. We need to have it.”

“McKay,” John hissed and elbowed him again.

“Fine. _Trade_ , would you be willing to trade for it?” The woman hummed audibly. She stepped close and looked at McKay’s tablet.

“This is important to you?” she asked waving at the colorful displays on the screen. 

“Yes. It is very,” He paused and then snapped his fingers. “Sacred to us.” He continued hoping using their own buzz words would help persuade her. She hummed again.

“You cannot have it,” Rodney huffed and was about to start off into a rant when she continued. “However, you could borrow it if the proper offering was made.” 

The scientists eyes lit up. “We can do that name your price.”

“McKay,” Sheppard drawled placing a hand on his shoulder. “We have no idea what they could ask for.” He looked to Teyla. She seemed unworried and that was comforting at least. “Fine," he said looking to the leader. “What kind of offering.” 

She smiled and gestured further into the temple. Rodney quickly unhooked his gear and returned the ZPM to its previous position. “Why didn’t you tell us they had one?” He asked moving to walk next to Teyla.

“I did not know. I have never been here, only heard positive things from many friends.” She said. “I do hope this bargain will work out. This could mean great things for Atlantis.” 

“You’re telling me,” the scientist said grinning widely. He was already making a mental list of all the things he could do with it once they had it back in the city. 

“Here we are,” Guinevere said gesturing to what looked like another shrine. It was a large stone bowl with a bright blue flame burning in it. Surrounding the bowl were small flat stones. “You must each pick one.” She said simply. 

Rodney reached for the stones but John stopped him with a hand on his wrist. “Now hold on. This offering, its not going to be anything harmful is it?” 

“No nothing of the sort! Quite the opposite I promise,” She said smiling sweetly. John let go of Rodney’s wrist and they each picked up a stone. Rodney rolled it in his palm, it was pleasantly warm from the heat of the fire in the bowl. “Now let me see.” She said and they all held out the stones they had taken.

She looked at each one closely but skipped over Ronon and Teyla rather quickly. When she got to John and then Rodney she smiled widely. “Just as I suspected. You two must make the offering.” She clasped her hands over theirs folding the stones into their palms. 

“Alright great.” Rodney said pulling his hand back. “And this offering is what exactly?”

“An offering of love and fertility of course. I knew the stones would pick you two. I can feel the heat coming off you both.” 

Rodney’s mouth dropped gracelessly open as he stared at her. Ronon gave a snorting barely contained laugh. Teyla elbowed the large man but Rodney could see the pink tainting her cheeks. “And by fertility…you mean uh...” Rodney couldn’t even finish the question.

“Lovemaking yes.” Guinevere said simply. “The sacred stone is the totem of love, trust, and fertility. I assumed you knew this given it is sacred to your people as well.” Rodney could feel his face heating with embarrassment. He looked over at John but the other man was still wearing his aviators and his face was carefully blank. “It is nothing to feel shame for. Physical affection is the most pure and joyous from of love. It is something to be celebrated.”

Rodney wanted to lash out at her but she spoke with such sincerity it was obvious she truly didn’t see the invasion of privacy such a request was. He once again looked to John but still couldn’t read the other man. There was a slight twitch to his jaw and damn those glasses—who wore sunglasses indoors!—Rodney couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

“Perhaps we should finalize the other trades we were agreeing upon,” Teyla stepped in and Rodney had never been more grateful for her diplomatic tact.

“Of course,” the leader said. “This new option does not effect what was already decided upon. Whether or not you make the offering is up to you, but you must decide before the sun falls. Teyla this way please.” She directed Teyla to another room and Ronon followed them still huffing out little laughs. 

McKay watched them go too stunned to do anything else. He looked back to Sheppard again. “Sheppard wha—” the other man walked away and Rodney couldn’t blame him. Huffing out a sigh he ran a hand through his hair and walked to the front of the temple. John was gone down the stairs by the time he made it out the front door. Sighing in agitation Rodney sat down on the steps and glared down at the village.

It would figure that the first functional ZPM they found in over a year would be beyond their reach because of something stupid. Maybe they could take it by force. No, even if Sheppard agreed to that Elizabeth never would. Rodney groaned if only it didn’t have to be John. If she had said ‘sleep with this priestess and the ZPM is yours’ Rodney would already be working on the offering. But John, that wasn’t happening.

It wasn’t that he had anything against sleeping with men. McKay had done his fair share of experimenting. Men were better in several ways in his opinion. Easier to please, easier to understand, more durable. He smirked at the thought, it had been a while since he had slept with a man it would be nice to again. But not John. It couldn’t be John. Not because he didn’t find him attractive, oh no it was quite the opposite.

Rodney had been borderline in love with his best friend for quite a while if he was being honest. He wasn’t exactly sure when his friendship with Sheppard had turned into something more. It must have happened somewhere between John saving his life and Rodney realizing how smart the other man actually was. McKay was a man of intellect and he was fairly good at not letting his feelings interfere with his work. His true feelings toward John were just another factor in the equation of his life. An irrelevant blip on the radar that almost never came into play.

Almost never. Right now was certainly not almost never. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. What would it be like to sleep with John Sheppard? The warmth of his charming smile already made annoying butterflies buzz in his stomach. Rodney couldn’t even imagine what would happen to him if they actually slept together. He would never be able to look at the other man the same way. Would never be able to be just friends with him again. Of that McKay was sure. He just knew sleeping with John would be an unforgettable experience. Was risking their friendship worth a ZPM? Were his own feelings worth walking away from a ZPM? 

Rodney shook his head. It didn’t really matter. It wasn’t like it was his choice to make. He wasn’t the only one who had been put on the spot. It was as much John’s choice as it was his, and he knew John would never want to go through with it. John was a ladies man by every definition. No way he would be interested in the offering. But then again, Sheppard was a strategist and he had to know what a full ZPM would mean for Atlantis.

The pros and cons, maybes and maybe nots of this whole situation ran through Rodney’s mind like a Mobius strip. Every time he thought he came to a conclusion about why it wouldn’t/couldn’t happen a reasoning for how and why it could would pop up. The scientist was so lost in his own tangled thoughts he didn’t notice someone walking up to him until they were directly in front of him casting their shadow over him. 

Looking up he saw John in front of him. Glancing past him he saw the sun starting to dip toward the horizon. He hadn’t realized how long he had been sitting in thought. Sheppard moved to sit next to him. “So….that wasn’t awkward or anything.” McKay said trying to sound casual and failing completely. 

“Yeah totally not at all,” Sheppard said with all the sarcasm in the world. He was staring out at the impending sunset—or so Rodney thought he still had the aviators on. “We’re running out of time to decide.” He said and McKay’s face heated up. John had been weighing the pros and cons too. 

“Not much of a choice is it,” Rodney sighed giving Sheppard a side way glance. The soldier just hummed. Then there was quiet. 

Sighing John removed his sunglasses and rubbed at his eyes. Then he looked over at his friend. “We could do so much with a ZPM McKay.”

“Yeah you don’t have to tell me twice I know.” He looked his friend in the eye but still couldn’t tell what he was thinking. John was so damn good at schooling his emotions. 

“I…if you…”John looked at the ground instead of Rodney now. “If you’re willing so am I.” He said it so fast the words all ran together. 

McKay didn’t know what to say. Yes he was willing, but was it a good idea? No, no not at all. Still he found himself saying, “Yeah, its worth it.”

“Alright then,” Sheppard said and stood up heading back into the temple.

When they entered they found Teyla and Ronon being shown around by Guinevere. She was pointing to intricate tapestries with action panels woven into them accounting their peoples history. As they approached she stopped and turned to smile kindly at them. “Have you come to a decision?”

Teyla and Ronon were looking at them as well and it made Rodney blush and look to the floor. He was sure they weren’t expecting their answer. “Yes,” John said then continued quickly and firmly. “We agree to the offering but, need to know a few things first. One, how long do we get to keep the ZPM for. And two, do…people have to watch.” Rodney’s face heated at the question. He hadn’t even thought of that, and it was a damn good thing John had asked about keeping it. It would be a shame to go through this only to find out they could keep it for just a day or two.

“You may keep the sacred stone for as long as you need, provided there are no negative effects here. However, we are permited to take it back whenever we see fit. As I see you are people of rules and agreements I will agree that you may keep it for at least five moon circles.” Rodney nodded a minimum of five months, he could do a lot with it in that amount of time. “And as for being seen. Yes, there will be witnesses. However they will not be direct. You will be allowed a certain amount of privacy.”

“I agree to that,” Sheppard said and looked over at Rodney expectantly.

The scientist just looked back at him taking in his features and accepting the fact that this was the beginning of the end. This was the last time he would look at John like this, as just a friend. The last time he could see him and not be heartbroken by what he couldn’t have. “I agree as well.” He said quietly.

“John, Rodney do not think you have to do this. We have gotten by with out a ZPM for some time we can continue with out one.” Teyla said trying to give them an out. Ronon nodded, he was no longer laughing at the situation seeing it for the seriousness it was.

“Its fine Teyla we said we will do it and we are going to.” Sheppard said to her then turned to the leader again. “So what now?” 

She snapped her fingers and two girls in their early teens approached. “Show them to the preparation rooms.” She said and the girls bowed. One went to John the other to Rodney.

“This way sir,” She said waving Rodney toward a near by corridor. He followed her trying to ignore the hammering in his chest. She lead him down a narrow hall and to a small room. “You must wash yourself first.” She said motioning to a basin of water. “And dress purely.” She motioned to what looked like a silk robe next to the water tub. “Let me know what you are finished. Do not close the robe, you must be inspected before we can proceeded,” she bowed to him then moved to sit in front of a door on the opposite side of the room. She was facing the door not him and Rodney was glad for that. Although being ‘inspected’ didn’t sound fun

Rodney stripped off all his gear, then his clothes folding each piece neatly. He piled everything on an empty table adjacent to the water basin. He kept expecting John to burst in and say he changed his mind but he didn’t. The room was quiet and small. Moving to the wash basin he picked up the towel hung on its edge and dipped it in. As he wrung it out the sent of the water hit him. It was a strong smell of earth and herbs. Rich and a little spicy. It wasn’t his taste in colognes but it didn’t smell bad. 

The water was pleasantly warm as he washed with the cloth provided. He ran it over himself with quick but thorough efficacy. He paused and paid closer attention to certain parts of his anatomy because it was just common curtesy. By the time he was done he was sure he would smell like the earthy spice of the water for days to come. The robe he was to wear was so deep purple it was practically black, and it was made of a soft thick silk. He shrugged into it and attempted to pull it closed with out tying it. “OK, I’m ready.” He said quietly and the girl stood and turned to him. 

She walked up to him and took one of his hands. Lifting it she examined his nails, and the webbing of his fingers, the lines of his palm. She repeated this with his other hand then knelt down on one knee. Rodney nearly lost his balance when she lifted one of his feet, placing it on her knee. She examined it much like she had his hands and repeated it with his other foot. Then she stood and pulled open his robe. Rodney made a small squeaky noise in his throat when she ran her down the center of his chest fingering his chest hair softly. Then she took a step back and her eyes moved lower. Rodney felt himself shrivel under her gaze. He had never been more uncomfortable, for Christ sake she was just a kid!

She took a step back toward him and for a moment he was terrified she was going to touch him. Instead she reached for his robe pulling it closed tightly. “Very good sir,” She said with a curt nod and tied the robe shut with an intricate knot. Then she lead him through the second door and down another narrow hall way. They came to another door this one with a guard outside it. “I confirm his had been prepared properly.” She said and bowed turning to leave. The guard nodded and opened the door. Rodney stepped through and his heart picked up speed again. 

The room it lead to was of average size for a bedroom. In the middle there was a large palate that was to serve as their bed. It was layered with brightly colored blankets and pillows. Next to it was a low table with an assortment of jars on it. Rodney swallowed at the sight of them and his eyes wondered up. The walls of the room were normal until about half way up, then they turned from stone to slated wooden panels. It gave Rodney the impression that the chamber was sunken into the flood slightly. He couldn’t see thought the slanted slits on the panels but he could just imagan rows of seats on the other side of them filled with people. It made his palms sweat. 

John wasn’t there yet and for a moment Rodney was once again afraid the other man had backed out. Then the door on the other side of the room opened and John walked out. He was wearing a robe similar to Rodney’s save it was a smoky silver color and McKay swallowed. It was a good color on him. The soldier walked to the middle of the room meeting Rodney next to the palate of blankets. “Rodney,” He said with a small nervous smile. “So…ah I guess we should…” He trailed off his hands hovering over the tie of his robe.

McKay looked at him for a moment then made a decision. If he was going to do this he was going to do it right. Even if this meant nothing to John, even if it was the only time it would happen he was going to make sure it wasn’t a fumbled rushed mess. He reached out and grasped John’s hands where they were fumbling with the intricate knot of his belt. The soldier was trembling a little and it was reassuring to know he wasn’t the only one nervous. 

He tugged John in by his hands and hesitated for only a moment, then he kissed the other man. It wasn’t necessary but it was what felt right. Its what he would have done if they really were lovers. John was dead still at first and Rodney was afraid that he had made the wrong decision. Maybe John wanted this fast and messy and just over with. Then the soldier kissed him back. It was slow and light but it was the best kiss of Rodney’s life. They increased the pressure of it slowly. Firmer kisses, deep sighing breaths, the touch of tongues. 

Rodney breathed deeply and moved his hands to John’s hips. The other man mirrored his movement. Rodney sighed in pleasure because the kiss was amazing, and John smelled _good_. He smelled like fresh fruit and soft delicate flowers. Rodney could just imagan John washing the same way he had and he breathed in deeply again trying to capture the sent. Then he felt John’s hands move from his hips to the front of his robe. There was a good bit of tugging as John struggled with the knot, then Rodney pulled back and gasped as the cool air of the room hit him. He looked down to find himself exposed the front of his robe fallen open revealing his erection. Swallowing thickly he did the same to John, tugging the knot undone and letting his robe fall apart. 

His eyes traveled over the soldier’s front. He was slim and lightly muscled in a way that made Rodney’s mouth water. He replaced his hands on John’s hips, this time inside the robe on his warm skin. Rodney ran them up his sides fingers spreading to his chest and up onto his shoulders. John’s skin wasn’t perfect, scares from his time in service stood out like red flags to Rodney and he wanted to know the story behind each of them. John’s chest hair was soft and coarse at the same time. It was a feeling Rodney adored and he wanted to just keep touching the other man but knew he should move things along for John’s sake. 

Finally he pushed the robe from John’s shoulders and then looked up to his face. Rodney blushed because John’s eyes were trained on his cock. His erection was large and thick and John’s eyes on him made it twitch slightly. Embarrassed by this Rodney reached out and pulled John’s chin up making him meet his eyes. John’s cheeks were deep red with embarrassment. “Sorry,” He muttered.

Rodney wanted to say _Don’t be. Look as long as you want. If any one is going to admire me I want it you be you._ But instead he just said, “It's ok.” Leaning in he kissed John again and their cocks brushed. John shuddered and pushed at his shoulders. Rodney was sure John was going to push him away and say to hurry up, get things over with. But instead he just pushed the deep purple robe form his shoulders and tugged him back into the kiss. Rodney was both happy and terrified because it felt too real. 

When they did part again it was due to an equal lack of air. John turned from him and took the couple step needed to reach the bed. Rodney swallowed thickly and followed. John sank down onto it with out a word or second glance up at him. Rodney hesitated for just a moment, thinking they could still back out if they wanted but then John looked up a him and Rodney knew there was no going back. He sank down over John covering his body. The feel of John’s body hair pressing into him was soft and pleasant. Rodney stifled a moan when their dicks brushed and turned to kiss John again. He was determined to steal as many as he could. John didn’t seem to mind participating eagerly each time. The soldier was as hard as he was and Rodney had a brief moment of wondering who he was actually thinking about to keep it up because there had never been any indication John was interested in men. 

Rodney forced that thought away and broke the kiss to look at John’s body eyes skirting over it. He couldn’t help himself and he really hoped John couldn’t tell how much he was actually enjoying this. Then he saw it didn’t matter because John wasn’t even looking at him, his eyes schooled on a spot on the ceiling just over his shoulder. Rodney’s heart sank a little and he shifted further away from John, sitting up fully. “I guess we should keep things moving,” He said weakly.

John nodded and rolled to the side stretching to reach the lube that had been provided for them. He took the jar in hand and paused. When he shoved it into Rodney’s hands his were shaking. Rodney saw this and realized what their positions implied about their rolls. Suddenly Rodney felt very guilty. He couldn’t ask John to do that. He had probably never been with a man before, he couldn’t expect him to bottom. “I can…I mean we can swi—”

“Just keep things moving along,” John said throwing Rodney’s words back at him, his eyes back on the spot on the ceiling. Rodney was almost tempted to look over his shoulder see just what was so interesting up there. Instead he nodded silently and opened the jar. He gently moved John’s thighs further apart until he could kneel comfortably between them. John gave no resistance but did a little shifting of his own, scooting a little closer to the other man. Rodney as sure this was an accident but didn’t move away. 

Dipping the fingers of one hand into he jar and stroked Johns thigh with the other, again acting the way he would if they were really lovers. He wanted desperately to make this pleasurable for John. He moved his slick hand down past John’s balls stroking his fingers lightly between his cheeks. The soldier shuddered and Rodney looked up in time to see John looking away from him. He dipped his fingers deeper stroking over John’s entrance and again he shuddered. Rodney wanted to say something. Tell him to relax, that he would be careful, that it would feel good. But John’s eyes were closed and his body was twitchy. Talking didn’t feel right to he just said, “Ready?” 

John gave a small nod and Rodney pressed into the first knuckle. The soldier tensed around him then relaxed with a barely audibly sigh. Rodney was surprised by how quickly John had accepted his finger and pressed in until he was sunk to the last knuckle. He thrust a few times, slowly careful not to hurt the other man. He told himself that was why he kept looking at John’s face, to gauge his comfort not because was wanted to engrain it into his memory.

John’s eyes were closed, not clenched shut just closed. Dark lashed fanning over his tan cheeks. His hands were stuttered over the bed spread, clutching it then smoothing out over it. After a few moments of Rodney slowly fucking him with one finger he sat up just barely enough to look down and then said, “Another Rodney.” It was quiet but Rodney heard him and nodded. The next time Rodney pressed in he added a second finger and John came off the bed a little hands gripping Rodney’s arms. 

This contact made Rodney groan a little, because John’s grip on his arms was as tight as the clench of his muscles around his fingers. Then John’s hands were gone and he relaxed around him. Rodney moved his fingers a little and John squirmed. It made Rodney’s heart pound because it was not the reaction of someone who hadn’t done this before. He thrust more firmly and John moaned a little. Maybe Rodney had been wrong, maybe John did swing this way. So he thrust a little faster a little harder. Then he found the other man’s prostate and John came off the bed, back arching. 

A deep groan was ripped from his chest at the contact and Rodney _needed_ to hear that sound again so he pressed over his prostate again and again. Then John’s hands were on his arms, pulling his hand away from his body. Rodney’s heart broke a little. Right this wasn’t real, he was supposed to be moving things along. He grabbed the jar of lube again and chanced a look up at John. Once again the soldier’s eyes darted away from his gaze and Rodney swallowed around a lump in his throat. Part of him felt like this was wrong, but that voice wasn’t loud enough for him to stop. Not when he had already seen how beautiful the other man could be like this. 

He scooped out some more slick and smoothed it over his cock. Gripping John’s thighs he tugged him a little closer. “I’m gonna…” he couldn’t finish the sentence, his throat too tight with a mix of so many emotions. God he hated emotions. He pressed forward the fat head of his erection nestled against John’s opening. “We can still stop,” he whispered for John’s sake. At first he thought John didn’t hear him but then the other man looked at him for a brief moment.

His eyes were dark and swirling with emotions. He looked as conflicted as Rodney felt and the scientist was positive he was going to tell him to stop. “No,” He whispered back, his head falling back down to the bed. Nodding a little Rodney pressed forward.

The head of his cock popped through and John’s body jerked around him, clenching spasmodically. He was so tight Rodney decided he had been wrong before. John hadn’t done this before. No one but a virgin could feel like this. God that idea made his heart ache. Ache with both guilt and love. He stayed still watching John’s hands clench the blankets rhythmically with his breaths. His eyes were scrunched shut now and Rodney felt bad. Perhaps he should have prepped him more. 

“Go. For fucks sake Rodney move,” John hissed and Rodney nodded wordlessly. Moving things along, right that was still the point. Get this over with for his friend’s sake. 

He pressed the rest of the way in one smooth motion and waited for a moment once he was fully sheathed. He thought he might shoot off right them, John was so hot and tight. He paused for only a brief moment to collect himself before pulling back out. John wanted to get this over with so Rodney would comply. If it happened to feel amazing in the process well, he just hoped it felt amazing for them both. Rodney began to rock with long steady thrusts and John seemed ok with that.

His hands were twitching over the bed like he didn’t know what to do with them. Didn’t know if it was ok to touch Rodney. Rodney really wished he would. Determined to make it good for John, Rodney shifted his angle a little and pressed in a little harder. Suddenly John’s legs were locked around his hips holding him in that angle. John’s mouth fell open but he made no noise, face turned to the ceiling eyes closed. He threw his arms up folding them over his head covering part of his face in the process. Taking this as a sign he was on the right track Rodney thrust at that same spot harder and this time John did make sound. A low moan followed by a shaky sigh. 

Rodney kept at it like that—not that he could change his angle much with John’s legs locked how they were—rocking in with long firm strokes. John gasped and kept making little low noises. His breathing was fast and deep, his body stretching out from having his arms folded above his head. It made the muscles of his stomach pull in over his ribs with each panting breath. It made him look far too skinny but was the most erotic thing Rodney had ever seen. This, this was the image that was going to be burnt into his brain never to be removed. Rodney was ruined.

He moved his hands from where they had been sitting idly on John’s thighs and moved to grip John’s hips firmly instead, pulling him down a little onto every thrust. The soldier got a little louder and squeezed his legs a little tighter. Rodney looked up to his face desperately hoping to catch his eye but no, John was still covering his face with his arms, still couldn’t look at him. As he watched however, John brought one of his arms down. His hand wrapping around his own cock and Rodney’s mouth went dry. John’s cock. He hadn’t touched it once yet. Was he allowed to do that?

Deciding that he was already inside the other man so yes he was allowed to Rodney reached for him. He wrapped his large hand over John’s matching his strokes. John moaned loudly and lifted his head to look down at him. Rodney held his breath because Christ was he beautiful. Face flushed, lips red, eyes wide and bewildered. Rodney caught his eyes and held them for a moment trying to read the other man. But John groaned and dropped his head back before Rodney could. When his head fell back his hand fell away and Rodney groaned because he was gripping John’s cock. 

John’s dick was hot and hard in his palm, and god Rodney wanted to make him cum. He thrust a little faster, a little firmer. Stroked his hand at an equal pace and below him John began to come part. Twitchy and noisy, he reached over his head clutching the blankets and came. Rodney groaned at the sight and the feel. If Rodney thought John had been tight before the other man was a vice now, and he really hoped that the amount was a sign that it had been good for John. Rodney couldn’t look away from the plentiful mess on his friends chest and stomach. The sght and heat of John’s body pulling his orgasm from him. Rodney tried to pull back, tried to pull out. He owed that much to John at least but John’s legs were still tight around him holding him in place. Accepting his fate Rodney gave in and came with long deep pulses inside his friend’s body. 

He stayed there shuddering until John finally released him. The other man’s long legs falling down to frame his body lazily. Rodney didn’t know what to say. They had just had sex, pretty darn good sex. What now? Somewhere above them there was the sound of soft bells ringing and Rodney looked up the slated panels remembering for the first time they had, had an audience. Suddenly embarrassed he pulled one of the blankets up to cover John, snagging another for himself. 

“Thanks,” John mumbled sounding a little sleepy. Rodney nodded and then just sat there. John sat up and looked around apparently as lost for a next step as he was. They were saved by the doors they had entered through opening again. In the door ways were the girls that had escorted them here. John stood first, his steps a little unsteady. Rodney followed suit heading back the way he had entered.

As he followed his escort down the hall the reality of what had just happened really started to sink in. He had just had sex with his best friend. Former best friend. Things between them were never going to be the same. Rodney knew himself. He knew he was going to obsess over this until it drove him crazy. Until he couldn’t think of anything other than the beauty that was a sex enthralled John Sheppard. How had he thought he could do this? 

“Sir?” Rodney came back to reality with a start. “The blanket Sir?” the girl was saying holding out a hand. Rodney looked around. They had made it back to the preparation room. He didn’t remember the walk here. His obsessive behavior was already off to a terrible start.

“Right, here.” He said blandly and unwrapped himself from the blanket he had grabbed from the bed. He should have been embarrassed by her seeing him like this, messy with the remnants of sex and sweat. He couldn’t bring himself to care though. His clothes were right where he had left them and the wash basin was filled this clean unscented water. He washed slowly and half assed. He didn’t want to erase John’s scent, his touch. When he finally plopped the towel back into the bucket he had done a piss poor job of washing and was still a little sticky.

“Sir are you alright?” The girl asked giving him a concerned look.

“Fine thanks,” He muttered and pulled on his pants. He dressed quickly and donned his gear. Then took a deep breath and tried to shake himself out. He needed to try and act normal. He didn’t really think it was possible but he could try at least. “Alright lets go.” He said trying to put a little of his classic sarcastic bite to the words. Just like his effort to wash had been it was half assed at best. 

When they made it back to the main room of the temple John was already there. Guinevere was there talking with him and her smile widened as McKay approached. “I was just telling Col. Sheppard that your display was one of the most delightful I have seen in a long time. We will not forget the gracious offering you have made us.” Rodney didn’t know how to respond to that. “You have most definitely earned the right to borrow this.” She held out a bundle of white silk wrapped up in gold rope. Right the ZPM that was the reason he had destroyed his friendship with John. 

“Thank you,” He said taking it and tucking it carefully into his pack. “Teyla and Ronon?” he asked glancing around.

“Already back at the Jumper.” John said voice level but tight.

“I would be more than happy to escort you back,” Guinevere said kindly clearly not picking up on the tension between them.

“We’ll be fine. Thanks.” Sheppard said shortly. If the woman noticed she didn’t point it out. She simply bowed to them and both men mirrored the action. Then John was leaving and all Rodney could do was follow him. 

It was well into the evening, the sky dark and the village quiet as they moved through. A few of the people they passed smiled widely at them and bowed. It made Rodney sick because he assumed it meant they had seen the offering. The sky was clear and the moon nearly full so there was plenty of light as they left the lantern lit village following the well worn trail toward the gate. Rodney kept stealing glances at the soldier. John’s face was blank and shadowed. Rodney wanted to talk wanted to say something. He opened his mouth several times in an attempt to make witty banter but failed to think of anything each time. 

What could he say? _Sorry we ruined our friendship for a glorified battery. We never have to talk about it again. Was it at least good for you?_ He of course said none of this and by the time they made it back to the Jumper the tension was like a physical thing pressing down around them. The door was closed and John was moving to open it. Rodney had to do something.

“John,” he said stepping toward him. 

John turned to look at him but Rodney couldn’t read his eyes in the dark. “Rodney,” He said back and then it was quiet again. When the scientist didn’t continue John turned from him, and opened the Jumper door. “Lets go home.” Rodney didn’t think he had ever heard John sound more solemn.

 

In an attempt to keep himself from obsessing over John Rodney did what he did best. He drown himself in work. Thankfully it was easy given their new found ZPM. There was a laundry list ten miles long now that they had it and it was all hands on deck. Every science team had a hand full of projects. From improving the shields power consumption to accessing new promising city systems. The labs were all buzzing. 

McKay had tasked himself and Zelenka with finding a way to syphon energy from their new ZPM into the old one. If it worked then they wouldn’t have to worry about giving the fully charged one back. Clearly the people they had taken it from had no intentions of using it properly. If they could drain its power out into the nearly dead ZPM they already had, they would be set for much longer than five months. It was not an easy task because ZPMs weren’t meant to function that way. Making them absorb energy instead of giving it off was proving to be incredibly difficult. 

However the project of not thinking about Sheppard was going swimmingly. He was so consumed with work that he had almost no time to dwell on their ill-fated sexual encounter. At least while he was working that is. As much as he hated to admit it even the greatest physicist in two galaxies needed sleep. And with sleep came dreams. Vivid, heart pounding, blood boiling dreams. The key feature being Sheppard in the throws of pleasure. Arms thrown up, stomach muscles stretched tight over his ribs, mouth open and gasping. Every morning since they had gotten back Rodney had woken to these dreams, hard and sweaty. And every morning he beelined for a cold shower. As much as he wanted to complete himself to the lingering vividness that was his dreams he knew it would only cause more trouble to indulge in it. 

So other than that not thinking about his former best friend was easy. This also may have had something to do with the fact that he was avidly avoiding the other man. Every morning since returning he had gone right to the labs, skipping real breakfast in favor of power bars. Lunch he took in the lab, and dinner. Well there weren’t a lot of people in the mess at one in the morning. So five days back in the city and he had barley seen the other man. It made him both relieved and sad.

Sad because it meant John was most likely avoiding him as well. Normally Sheppard would come strutting to the labs at some point during the day to check in on him, poke fun at him, bring him coffee. Not now though. Not any more. It was for the best Rodney thought. If they ended their friendship mutually it would be much easier than him cutting John out and the other man fighting it. 

On the morning of day six McKay’s stomach turned at the thought of eating another power bar for breakfast. So instead he headed for the mess. It would be quick and simple. Grab some fake eggs and a muffin, sit with some scientists. He didn’t have to talk with John. Didn’t have to next to him and think about how he was in love with the other man and could never touch him again. Rodney shook his head as he picked up his tray. _Don’t think about it._ He scolded himself and scooped fake scrambled eggs onto his plate. 

“So you are still alive,” Ronon commented from behind him. It made Rodney jump and he nearly dropped his muffin. 

“Yes of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be.” He snarked and the large man just grinned.

“Because you’ve been a complete hermit for almost a week.” He replied taking two muffins for himself. 

“Yes well lots of work to do,” McKay said pouring himself some coffee. 

“Yeah I bet, I don’t get how those ZP-things work but the city has been swamped since you brought it back.” Ronon said and McKay snorted at him as they walked. Rodney had started following him out of habit and now saw that they were headed to a table already inhabited by Teyla and John. He swallowed at the sight of the other man. If he veered off now it would be too obvious so he bit the bullet and sat down next to Ronon at the table. And wouldn’t it be his luck that it put him across from John.

“Morning McKay,” the soldier drawled from behind the rim of his coffee mug. To anyone else it probably sounded normal, but Rodney could hear the tension just under the words. 

“Morning,” He said and scooped up a large bite of food. 

“How has work in the labs been?” Teyla asked sweet as ever. “It seems as though the whole city has become devoid of scientists. Everyone so intent on working with the ZPM.”

“Yeah we’ve gotten a lot done so far. Zelenka and I are trying to figure out how to syphon power off the new one and recharge our old one.” He took large swallow of coffee glad that things felt for the most part normal.

“Would not the people we took it from notice that when we return it?” She questioned.

“Doubtful, they had no cue what it did to begin with.” He snorted in reply.

“So why not just trade their full one out for our nearly empty one?” Sheppard asked looking up at Rodney directly for the first time.

Rodney stuttered and cleared his throat. Things didn’t feel all that normal anymore. Sheppard looked like a man who was trying to act casual and was failing. “Because,” McKay finally said voice sharper than it needed to be. “Physically the ZedPM crystals look different from one another. Surely you’ve notice that.” John narrowed his eyes at him, and Rodney took a deep breath trying to school his emotions. He wasn’t _mad_ at John. Just heart broken and it wasn’t like it was John’s fault. He didn’t know what he had done. “Considering they worship it,” He started again more pleasantly. “I get the feeling they would notice the difference.”

“Yeah ok,” Sheppard said but he wasn’t looking at Rodney any more. His eyes were fixed on a point just over his shoulder. Looking past him, through him just like he had during the sex. 

Suddenly Rodney felt a painful lump trying to form in his throat. He cleared it in an effort to chase it away, and scarfed down the rest of his eggs. “I have work to do.” He said and stood picking up his coffee and muffin. “See you.” He tossed the comment casually at the group not looking at John as he left.

“Rodney wait!” He was already into the halls when Teyla caught up with him. “Are you alright?” She asked with her normal softness and true caring. 

“Fine! Totally fine. Why wouldn’t I be,” He lied and smiled tightly. He was horrible liar. She just looked at him knowingly and he cleared he throat. “Things are fine. I’m fine really.” He said more calmly this time.

“Perhaps talking with John would—”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he cut in. “Nothing. Things are fine.” He could feel his face heating a little. He did not want to have this conversation. 

“Rodney, you and John are friends. Best friends, I would hate to see that fall apart because...” She paused and there was no need for either of them to fill in the blank. 

“Look I appreciate your concern,” really he didn’t it was no ones business but he cared for Teyla and couldn’t say that to her. “But like I said. I’m _fine_. And I wasn’t lying before I have work to do so.” He gestured down the hall with his coffee cup giving her a pleading look that he really hoped she would understand meant ‘please let this conversation be over.’ She sighed heavily but nodded and let him go

 

McKay worked comfortably in the labs until late in the evening. Work with Zelenka on the syphoning program was slow but he was hopeful for the current simulations he was running. While he waited on that Rodney decided to scroll the data base for any useful information about the composition of ZMPs. The Ancients were so stingy about that particular subject it was truly frustrating. 

“How’s it going,” John asked out of nowhere. It startled Rodney so badly that he nearly knocked over his coffee. The soldier gave a small chuckle and Rodney just sighed in agitation.

He looked up to where John had appeared from nowhere. He was less than an arms length away. Narrow hip canted against his desk in an easy lean. “Fine,” McKay said dragging his eyes away from the other man’s body with some difficulty. A body he had seen, had felt. His heart ached a little. “Coleman thinks she found a way to use the ZedPm to soup-up the Jumpers a little. Boost their speed and weapons range.” 

“Sweet,” Sheppard said and a smile broke out across his face. Rodney looked up to him and could tell it didn’t reach his eyes. It was plastered on the surface and nothing more. “So uh…do you want to—” 

Rodney lost track of the sentence. It didn’t matter how John finished it. Watch a movie, play chess, get chased by the Wraith. The answer was no. He didn’t want this. Didn’t want the awkward fumbling of pretending he was ok. Pretending they could still be normal friends. Rodney blinked a couple times and noticed that John was staring at him waiting for an answer to whatever he had asked. “Oh uh…” Rodney cleared his throat and picked up his half full coffee mug. “I could use a top off,” he said lamely and got up quickly leaving John standing at his desk. 

Not his most tactful exit but it got him away from the emotional train wreck that was John Sheppard trying to act like things were normal. They weren’t normal both of them knew that and pretending did no one any good. When Rodney returned to his desk a few minutes later John was gone. Sighing he sank into his chair and tossed himself back into his work.

 

The next morning McKay said to hell with his nauseous stomach and had a power bar for breakfast again. He worked with Zelenke on their project all morning. They were both growing frustrated and the Czech was convinced they should abandon it all together. Rodney was not so easily persuaded. It was well past noon when the other man abandoned him for lunch. 

The lab was relatively calm that afternoon. The initial buzz of having a fully functional ZMP wearing off a little as people crossed item after item off their to-do lists. He was working in relative quiet eyes glued to his computer when he felt his desk shift a little. Groaning inwardly he looked up to find John half way sitting on the corner of it.

“Brought you a refill,” He said holding up a steaming cup of coffee. He set in down next to McKay’s nearly empty one and then crossed his arms over his chest. If it wasn’t for the tightness of his jaw and the distance in his eyes Rodney would have thought things were normal.

“Thanks,” He muttered taking the warm mug in hand. 

“Anything fun turn up yet?” John asked smiling and leaning a little heavier on the desk. It made Rodney growl on the inside. What was he thinking, lounging like that after what they had done? How did he think it was ok? Who did he think he was fooling?

McKay’s wasn’t fooled and said blandly, “Coleman thinks she found a way to use the ZedPm to soup-up the Jumpers a little. Boost their speed and weapons range.” 

“You told me that yesterday,” John said with a falsely playful smirk.

Rodney set his mug down firmly and sighed because he couldn’t handle the fake normal. Why couldn’t John just go _away_. Just let things die because they would never be normal again. “Yes well if anything else happens that is any of your business I will make sure to send you a memo.” He snapped letting his own heart break manifest as anger. “Until then why don’t you go lounge like a playboy somewhere else so I can work!” 

The mask of happiness John had been wearing shattered. For all of five seconds he looked hurt. Truly hurt and it stabbed Rodney like a knife. Then it was gone, schooled away behind a blank mask. “Right. Sure. Sorry to bother you.” Sheppard said blandly and left with out looking back. 

Rodney groaned and dropped his head to his hands. He never thought he would say this, but the ZPM hadn’t been worth it.

 

Several hours later and Rodney was still in the lab working. Power bar and other snack wrappers strewn over his desk. The lab was mostly empty from the late hour and the true quiet was nice. Then the doors swished open and McKay looked up. He recoiled a little at seeing Teyla making a beeline for him. Her face hard. It was a scary look on the normally calm woman.

“You need to talk to John,” She said speaking with short clipped words. Anger was evident in her eyes and Rodney did not need this.

“Look,” He said firmly placing his hands on his desk. “I told you before I’m fine. I don’t—”

“You may be _fine_ but John is _not_ ,” She hissed at him and Rodney was truly startled by the anger. “And if you had been acting like his friend instead of an inconsiderate—” she cut herself off taking a deep breath. She paused for a moment making a conscious effort to calm herself. “Does your friendship with him truly mean so little that you would let it die for this?” She asked voice still tight with agitation. “Talk. To. Him.”

Teyla was right, and Rodney wasn’t just thinking that because she was truly scary when she was mad. John was his best friend. Probably the only best friend he had ever had. He could suffer through one conversation with him, right? And yes also he was afraid Teyle would bludgeon him with one of her sticks if he didn’t. “Alright. I’ll talk to him.” The woman just stood there looking at him. She crossed her arms over her chest watching him. “Oh, oh you meant now.” He stuttered and she raised her eyebrows in that expectant way she did. “Right…uh…” He tapped at his keyboard saving his work then shut his laptop. “I can do that.” He said awkwardly.

“Good,” She said bluntly. Under her watchful gaze McKay stood and left the lab quickly. 

 

It had been fear that had gotten him moving from the lab, but now that he was in the halls on his way to John’s his pace was slow and nervous. Teyla had of course been right. He owed John a conversation about this. Neither one of them was acting normal, which had to mean he wasn’t the only one struggling with this. Although he was sure John’s struggle was different from his. The soldier was probably struggling with not punching him in the face. Struggling with his oh so precious masculinity because he had slept with a man. Struggling because he had sunk to the level of sleeping with Rodney McKay.

Shaking his head Rodney forced the thoughts to the back of his mind. He owed John a conversation, and if he kept thinking like that he was going to chicken out before he got to his room. So it was a good thing he had made it. He hesitated lifting his hand to knock several times only to drop it. Finally taking a deep breath he rapped on the cool metal of the door. After a moments pause there was a muffled ‘come in’. Swiping his hand over the sensor Rodney used the gene to let himself in.

John was reclined on his bed. His lap top was playing a copy for some foot ball game, and the soldier was holding a foot ball in hand turning it idly as he watched. Looking up and seeing Rodney his face fell before he schooled it quickly. Then he paused the laptop. “Hey,” he said with a sigh and sat up turning to sit properly on the side of his bed.

“Hey,” McKay said not sure where to go from here. There was quiet and he watched as John slowly turned the ball in his hands fingers tracing over the laces. “So um…” He started and then stopped because that damn lump was back in his throat. He cleared it and tried again. He could do this. “I know things have been uh…weird since…uh you know—”

“We had sex,” John cut in and there it was finally said out loud. 

“Yeah….” Rodney said softly looking to the ground for a moment before sighing and looking back up.

“Damnit Rodney,” John cursed and threw the foot ball at the adjacent wall. It thudded against it and bounced sadly to the floor. Then John gave a sigh of his own and dropped his head into his hands, elbows resting in his knees. There was a long pregnant pause before the soldier continued. “I just—I need to know we’re still friends.” He said not looking up.

“John,” Rodney sighed and raked a hand through his hair. How did he respond to that.

“Please,” John said looking up at him now and it made Rodney’s breath catch. John looked his age. Face melancholy, with dark bags under his eyes. Rodney hadn’t noticed how tired he looked. Hadn’t seen it under the mask of normal the other man had been trying to wear. “Just tell me we’re still friends. I need us to still be friends.”

His voice cracked a little and Rodney was shocked by the raw emotion the other man was showing him. He had never known John to show emotion like this. The gold flecks in his eyes were dull and the green-brown marbling of his hazels seemed muddy instead of beautiful. “John I…” Rodney took a deep shaky breath. As hard as this was he owed the other man the truth. All they had been through together, as long as they had been friends he could handle one moment of unadulterated truth. “I can’t go back to being _just_ friends.” 

There was a moment of pure silence then, “What?” John said and Rodney met his eyes again to see light returning to their murky melancholy depths.

“I can’t be just friends. Not after…not knowing what,” He couldn’t say it. He came close but he couldn’t fully admit it. God he was hopeless with emotions. 

John was standing and striding toward him closing the few feet between them. Rodney opened his mouth to defend himself prepared for John to try and deck him. Instead he grabbed Rodney’s jaw and kissed him. It was closed mouth but hot with emotion. Rodney felt his body truly relax for the first time since they got back and brought his hands up to grip John’s hair. Not pulling just holding. 

When they separated John was laughing a breathless giddy laugh. “What is wrong with us,” He gasped sinking back to sit on his bad and pulled Rodney to sit next to him.

Rodney just looked at him, both happy and beyond confused. “I don’t understand…during…I mean you couldn’t even _look_ at me. I though you…” Rodney trailed off with a shake of his head.

“I was afraid you would see how much I actually wanted you. How much I was really loving it,” John looked up at him his eyes full with light now. But his face was scared. “Rodney I love you. I have for…for a long time.”

Rodney’s ears were ringing with the words. So he said the only thing he could thing of. “Me too,” it was lame and unoriginal but it made John smile so it must have been ok. Rodney reached out then paused, then grabbed John by the shoulder and pulled him into hug. “I’m sorry for acting the way I did. I just couldn’t,” He went quiet and released John gesturing with his hands in a swirling motion that he hoped conveyed his feelings. John just smiled and gave a small nod.

“Yeah….yeah I get it.” John scooted up on his bed so he was leaning against the head board and held out a hand for the other man. Rodney took it and moved up to stretch out next to him. It felt silly being fully clothed boots and all in bed but John was there so he didn’t care. 

Suddenly a thought popped into his head along with a flash of guilt. “Was it, I mean had you uh…with a—I mean you know?” Rodney really hoped John understood the unarticulated mess of a sentence.

“Yeah,” the soldier said flushing. “I'd been with men before. It had just been a _long_ time.” Rodney nodded and John leaned into him resting his head on the scientist’s shoulder. “How did we miss read this so badly?” he asked with a smile in the voice.

“I don’t know,” McKay sighed. “I thought…well you know I never had any reason to think you were into guys.”

“I’m not into guys,” John said and Rodney gave him a confused look. “I’m into _you_.” 

Rodney smiled down at him and tipped John’s head up so he could kiss him. This time there was tongue and teeth and gasping breaths. “I don’t want to be your friend, but I’d be your boyfriend.” Rodney said when they parted after several long moments. He knew it sounded lame but John didn’t seem to care.

“Yeah I think I could live with that,” He said grinning and leaned in for another kiss.


End file.
